Thursday, February 7, 2008

The end of the story

I appreciate all those who took time to read this blog, to participate in the discussion, and to pray for me and my wife. I appreciate the sincere passion of advocates of NFP and the quiver-full movement. If I had held those views when I was single and had looked for a wife who shared those views, it might be possible to follow that way of life. But I came from a family of 4, as did my wife, and we went into marriage with the expectation of having a small number of children.

Since my last entry, I have seen nothing that has changed this conclusion:

I think the only thing that would communicate to her that I am devoted to her in a romantic way would be for me to get the vasectomy so that we can be sexually available to each other without a significant risk of pregnancy and the resulting medical risks she would face.

Nothing has changed her attitude either. I suppose I could be all patriarchal, haul my wife in front of the church's elders on charges of denying me my rights as a husband, and have religious justification for divorcing her and marrying someone who would be OK with no use of birth control. I don't think that would be in line with the law of love.

So tomorrow morning I will have a vasectomy. I am not happy or lighthearted about this, and it seems absurd that I should pay a doctor to damage a piece of equipment that works perfectly.

It also seems absurd to get a vasectomy so that I can have sex with a woman for whom I no longer feel much passion. But I think it is the best thing for our marriage, which in turn is the best thing for our children. Perhaps after she will let us have sex again, the passion will return as well.

MORE: Someone commenting on another blog linked here. The blog also referenced this pro-birth-control comic book from 1956 called "Escape from Fear."